How dare she blame my Dad for being ill?
My dad has been very ill for a while and my mum has been looking after him……they have been happily married for 40 years so it came as a shock when my mum started to show signs of being resentful towards my Dad. She was snapping at him and every time I tried to talk to her, she would just throw hurtful comments at me and say I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about.
In turn, I started to feel resentful towards my mum. How dare she blame my Dad for being ill? He had been so strong for her in the past and had supported her through the rough times. I didn’t want to speak to her and to be truthful I was starting to avoid going to even visit my Dad because I knew it would end up in a row with mum. I was frightened of what would happen to my Dad in the future and why didn’t she care anymore?
I had spoken in the past to your readers about other things in my life but hadn’t had the courage or time to phone of late; but one night after a particularly bad row with mum, I picked up the phone.
I was able to speak to the most caring and gentle lady who made me feel safe and secure. We talked for a few minutes about life in general and then she asked me how my mum was – I bit back and said “Shouldn’t you be asking me about my Dad? He’s the one who is ill”. She went on to explain how my mum was feeling.
My mum hadn’t stopped caring – she was frightened too. She was frightened about losing the man she loves and was so used to being able to share her burdens with my Dad, but felt she no longer could as he was so ill. She was struggling to cope emotionally and was also worried about finances. She didn’t feel that she should burden me with all this so was keeping it all bottled up and it was making her so angry that she didn’t have anyone to talk to.
After I got off the phone I drove straight round to mum’s. When she opened the door I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her. I told her I knew how scared she was, and that I was there for her. I wish I could say that my dad’s health has got better. It hasn’t, but this experience has made my mum and I stronger – we are a team and we are able to face my fathers illness together instead of being two frightened people facing it alone.